I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
