Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
