i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize