all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
