I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The uberlube is also flammable
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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