My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
