Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
