I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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