No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
