If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize