Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
