Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
