Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
