I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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