Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
