At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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