I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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