Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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