I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
