I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
