i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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