nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
