woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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