i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
