jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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