I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
