so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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