I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
