i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
