A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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