does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
