We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize