I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize