WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
