do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
