Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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