Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
