i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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