i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
