Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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