We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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