Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize