Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
