I want to walk on stilts...naked
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
