I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize