THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
