I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How external is "for external use only"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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