For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
