Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
