But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
