Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
