I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
