K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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