I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
