I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
