Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
