You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize