I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
