Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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