I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
