I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize