You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
