He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
