but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
her facebook's as public as her vagina
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize