he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
