Me too!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
