i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
