I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
