Already got asked if we're dating
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
