if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Enjoy the penises
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
