Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
