Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize