I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
