So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
