i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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