my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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