Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
