actually, I'm a sock model
i think my tv is drunk
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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