i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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