So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was born a porn star she said
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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