Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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