I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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