It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize