i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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