you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
