Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
