i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize