Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
