I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
