After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
