and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
