I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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