I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i dont even know how to be here
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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