70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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