Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
