Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
