That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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