He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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