Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
